There’s no ‘yes’ in dating

Did you ever ask someone if they wanted to go on a date with you and they said “yes”?

…No they didn’t! They just said Maybe.

That’s the best we can ever hope for in dating… Maybes.

I’m not talking about consent here, where you need a “yes” to move forward. I’m talking about the everyday process of getting to know someone you’re interested in. This process can be a disappointing and frustrating experience, and a lot of that frustration can come from expecting Yes for an answer, or at least a clear No, when really all we are going to get is Maybe… or, of course, silence. 
Check out the texts above! These two people, Ben and Jane (names changed for privacy), had met face to face already on The Zero Date, and liked each other enough to exchange phone numbers. Ben obviously thought he’d gotten a Yes already, and just had to settle on a time and place to meet up.

But Jane still wasn’t sure how much she was into Ben. So when he asked to meet, she counteroffered with a phone call. But instead of recognizing that her Maybe was still just a Maybe, Ben flipped out, got mad and called her a scammer. Has this ever happened to you? Did someone ever get mad when your Maybe turned into less of a Maybe?

The moral of the story is… don’t go into dating with the mindset and expectation that people will tell you Yes or No. If they’re still talking with you, its a Maybe, and if they’re not, its a No. Seen this way, there’s no reason to ever get mad if someone ghosts you (ok, its a No, thanks!) or acts flaky (ok, you’re still a Maybe, so let me back off, or see what I can do to show you I deserve to be more of a Maybe!).
Stay Zen, and happy dating :)

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