There are no ‘yeses’ in dating

Did you ever ask someone if they wanted to go on a date with you and they said “yes”?

…no they didn’t! They just said maybe. That’s the best we can ever hope for in dating… a “maybe”.

I’m not talking about sexual consent here, where you need a “yes” to move forward. I’m talking about the process of getting to know somebody you are interested in.

This process can be a disappointing and frustrating experience, and a lot of that frustration can come from expecting yes for an answer, or at least a clear no. But really all we are going to get is maybe… or silence.
Check out the text chain below!

These two people, Ben and Jane (names changed for privacy), had met face to face already on The Zero Date, and liked each other enough to exchange phone numbers. Ben obviously thought he’d gotten a yes from Jane because of this number exchange, and just had to settle on a time and place to meet up.

But Jane still wasn’t sure how much she was into Ben. So when he asked to meet, she counteroffered with a phone call. But instead of recognizing that she was still just a maybe, Ben flipped out, got mad, and called her a scammer.

Has this ever happened to you? Did someone ever get mad when they misinterpreted your maybe?

The moral of the story is… don’t go into dating with the mindset and expectation that people will clearly tell you yes or no. If they’re still talking with you, think of it as a maybe, and if they don’t respond, its a no. If you think about it this way, there’s no reason to get mad if someone ghosts you (“ok, its a no, thanks!”) or acts flaky (“ok, I see you are still a maybe, so let me back off, and see what I can do to show you I deserve to be more of a maybe!”).

Stay Zen, and happy dating :)

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